Anger No Longer Serves a Purpose to Me

I was so mad I was practically shaking. I was fuming! Maneuvering schedules to make appointments is not easy for many people and I am no exception. Being stood up twice for scheduled meetings is just unheard of!

After stomping back across the campus, pouting the whole way, I was in no better a mood. The black cloud above my head was growing with no signs of a break. A coworker happened by, saw my obviously angered face and asked out of care and concern what was wrong. 

I unleashed a torrent of venom and outrage that left me panting and left her shocked and aghast. What was worse was that I did not feel any better about my situation and felt terrible for dumping it on someone else.

Usually shared burdens create 1/2 the weight & shared joy creates double the happiness, but in this case it didn't. She talked with me a while and helped me think about it and talk it all out just to get it out of my system, but I knew it wasn't a good situation for her. 

She walked away for a bit and when she came back through I apologized. It wasn't that I was out of line, but more that I didn't see that it helped either of us to be so mean about the situation. I felt that my conduct was unhealthy and unproductive when we're usually pretty good about lifting each other up.

After apologizing I realized, my negativity about an uncontrollable situation had inadvertently hurt someone else and done nothing to ameliorate my problem. That understanding was the first time that I was actually seeing where I had strayed from the meditative, calming path I have been fostering in my life. I made a choice to behave as I did and it was not the best option available to me.

Life is really just about looking out for the lessons that come our way. Meditation, religion, reflection: none of them work if you don't work them even in your most trying of times. 

What is a situation that you faced that could have gone a better way based on your choices? 

Continue reading →

Facing Negativity & Rising Above: 5 Key Strategies

The worst feeling in the world is helplessness. The inability to care for something important to you can be devastating. Protection and avoidance techniques can only go so far. Sometimes negative situations just have to be faced and dealt with. How you choose to deal with them will define who you are today and who you become tomorrow.

Today was a rough day for me. I stayed up later than I should last night finalizing my final project for my last class in my graduate degree program. The morning was a bit rough, but I managed. I had prepared myself well for my presentation and while nervous, was still ready to roll.

Until I wasn't. The presentation order was changed, pushing my time slot back from the first position that I was ready to be in. Then, during my presentation, it dawned on me when I was given the 5 minute warning that I had mis-prepared. Instead of having the 15-20 minutes I was prepared for, I only had 10 total. My brain switched into high gear, my mouth went dry, and panic clawed at me. 

I survived. I made it through the presentation as best I could, skipping lots of fantastic details I had worked so hard to lay out along the way. As I sat in my chair trying to recover I realized my eyes were watering. "There was no way that this should make me cry!" my brain called out. As the next presentation started up I focused on my breathing and tried to remember my mindfulness and meditation practices.

5 Key Strategies to Facing Negativity and Rise Above It

1. Breathe! It sound so simple, but people often hold their breath without even realizing it. This breathing pattern gif is saved on my iPhone so that I can pull it up easily.
2. Focus on a repetitive practice. I finding counting to be soothing because of the predictability and pacing. It allows my brain to zero-in on a task and ward off negative emotions to allow for processing.
3. Use a "touchstone". A meditative object that has a predetermined and dedicated purpose is key to reigning in my emotions. I made a simple prayer-bead-like item. I can count the beads, roll them, or rub the Ahimsa charm. Just touching this object gives me peace and satisfaction enough to begin calming down.
4. Look to the positive. I know "looking on the bright side" is not revolutionary, but it does important work. Even though I felt like I bombed my presentation, I thought about the fact that it was over and I could not change it. I had done my best and was good with that.
5. Enlist help. Sometimes I really can't bring myself back up. That's when friends and family are important. We all hit rough patches and how we care for ourselves and others is what we give back. Helping someone and sharing the load makes for faster recovery work.

These are not the easiest things to remember in stressful times. It has taken my several years to realize the worth and value of some of these practices. Most of the time I did not even realize I was already doing some of them until someone else pointed it out to me.

What would you add to this list?

Continue reading →

The Past: Acknowledging Where You Have Been

Living in the past is giving up any plans for the future. As a history major I know the importance of looking back from where we have come. That really is the best way to plan for where you want to go by means of avoiding past mistakes. What it does NOT mean is that we are doomed to repeat ourselves. Every single day is a new chance for us to make choices. I can choose to be negative about a situation or I can choose to look at it as an opportunity. I can choose to eat things out of emotion or I can choose to eat things that fuel and boost me.

However, with choice comes consequences. I am telling you, you have the power to make any choice in the world regarding most subjects. You are not free from the consequences of that choice. I'm sure you're thinking "but you just said that we can't live in the past...what if I'm experiences the consequences of a past action? Isn't that living there?" 

Honestly, the consequences of choices made can be short term or long term. Sometimes their length is up to you, other times it's not. What I am encouraging you to do is stop dwelling on those past choices. You cannot change them, no matter how much you want to. What you can do is make choices today and in the future that will mitigate or help counteract the consequences of previous choices.

You have the freedom to do what is necessary to make your life better and more brilliant than you ever imagined. The question is: are you willing to explore that freedom? I am working on my exploration every day and every day I feel like I am gaining ground. Care to join me?

Continue reading →