Memories vs. Living in the Past

I have a pretty terrible memory. I've tried lots of tips & tricks over the years to help build it up, but nothing really seems to work. Some incidents stick better than others; some things I can never forget despite wanting to and others that I want to cherish forever fade faster than acceptable.

As a result I have held onto stuff and things much longer than acceptable. They are visual cues that can spark a memory or emotion of some past event. The overwhelming majority are happy memories that I want to preserve. What's interesting though is that they are not necessarily for sharing.

In recent months I have developed an intense need to purge my apartment. This transitory feeling that I've had ever since I first moved out of my parental home has followed me long enough. So I've been going through my belongings via the KonMari method. 

Simply put, the KonMari method stresses:

1. Collect all like items of a particular category (clothes, papers, kitchen items)
2. Purge everything that doesn't "spark joy" or that you use regularly
3. Only after you've completely purged, organize the remaining items

This has revolutionized my process of cleaning and helped prevent impulse buying when I am out and about.

After doing several sections of my home, I'm down to miscellaneous items and items with emotional attachment; thus my introspection. I want to make sure that I don't lose the memories by ridding myself of the physical reminder. I've debated over writing down all the memories, but know that will take a lot of time. My current plan is to photograph the item before sorting it for donation or trash and then storing the photo. I will be able to reference it and write about it at my leisure if necessary.

What's most important to me is not just ridding my home of clutter, but preventing myself from living in the past. It's nice to visit there and remember good things, but dwelling on unchangeable circumstances is unhealthy and unwise. Here's hoping I can untether myself and walk freely.

Do you have a need to clear house; physically or emotionally? What are your best strategies for success in this area?

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The Past: Acknowledging Where You Have Been

Living in the past is giving up any plans for the future. As a history major I know the importance of looking back from where we have come. That really is the best way to plan for where you want to go by means of avoiding past mistakes. What it does NOT mean is that we are doomed to repeat ourselves. Every single day is a new chance for us to make choices. I can choose to be negative about a situation or I can choose to look at it as an opportunity. I can choose to eat things out of emotion or I can choose to eat things that fuel and boost me.

However, with choice comes consequences. I am telling you, you have the power to make any choice in the world regarding most subjects. You are not free from the consequences of that choice. I'm sure you're thinking "but you just said that we can't live in the past...what if I'm experiences the consequences of a past action? Isn't that living there?" 

Honestly, the consequences of choices made can be short term or long term. Sometimes their length is up to you, other times it's not. What I am encouraging you to do is stop dwelling on those past choices. You cannot change them, no matter how much you want to. What you can do is make choices today and in the future that will mitigate or help counteract the consequences of previous choices.

You have the freedom to do what is necessary to make your life better and more brilliant than you ever imagined. The question is: are you willing to explore that freedom? I am working on my exploration every day and every day I feel like I am gaining ground. Care to join me?

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No Day but Today & Nowhere but Here

As cliche as it may sound, RENT is one of my all-time favorite stage shows. I found it via the 2005 movie and fell in love. I met my husband doing drama in high school, so we fully support the arts whenever possible. For our 7th anniversary, he took me to see a live performance and while he liked the movie, the live show gave him the good kind of chills.

"No day but today" is a refrain from one of the core songs talking about why a couple should even try because there was no way it was ever going to work out. One character was arguing that they should give up before starting and the other was arguing that we only get this one chance in life, so why not risk it? I've always loved that idea but struggled to put it into action in my own life.

I've gotten so caught up in working a job I'm decent at but don't enjoy, to pay bills that need to be taken care of, for things that I rarely get to enjoy. How much of a disappoint I am in comparison with my ideal. How did I get here? The same way everyone else did. I stopped dreaming as much, stopped being fearless, and stopped pursuing what I mattered to nourish my soul.

As disappointing as this sounds, don't lose hope. There is a way out! Starting where you are, a little at a time is all is takes to make a difference in your life. Nowhere but here. That's all that you have and where you are. Life isn't about making sweeping changes. The best and most effective changes happen incrementally, over time, at the right pace for a reason. They are sustainable and too important to rush through.

This is what I am focusing on now. My meditation app helps me focus on being present while I begin my search for my passion. I have so many things running around in my brain that are "cool" or "fun" but I'm not passionate about. I'm trying to hone in on that inner voice and work on starting where I am.

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Getting started

It's been over a year since I last posted on my book review blog. As a matter of fact, it's closer to two years. Time has gotten away from me and I've lost myself. Not just in work and school, but I feel like I have lost my way in life. It's not the existential crisis it sounds like. It's more of a nagging sensation at the back of my mind that says I am not quite where or who I need to be. This blog is going to help me see my path a bit more clearly. It's going to be heartfelt & brutally honest because this life does not leave us with many other options.

Currently I am inspired by One Minute Mindfulness  by Donald Altman & The Crossroads of Should & Must by Elle Luna. I have so many more books at home that are helping me work through myself, but right now these two are the most profound. They are telling me the facts & truths that I have been working so hard to ignore or avoid.

I turn 30 in 298 days. It's not crucial or life-changing to be honest. It sounds daunting and yet I look forward to it. I have 298 days to start working towards a better me. A happier me. A healthier me. One that is ready to keep working at life. The struggle is what reminds us that we are still here and that there is still time.

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