Anger No Longer Serves a Purpose to Me

I was so mad I was practically shaking. I was fuming! Maneuvering schedules to make appointments is not easy for many people and I am no exception. Being stood up twice for scheduled meetings is just unheard of!

After stomping back across the campus, pouting the whole way, I was in no better a mood. The black cloud above my head was growing with no signs of a break. A coworker happened by, saw my obviously angered face and asked out of care and concern what was wrong. 

I unleashed a torrent of venom and outrage that left me panting and left her shocked and aghast. What was worse was that I did not feel any better about my situation and felt terrible for dumping it on someone else.

Usually shared burdens create 1/2 the weight & shared joy creates double the happiness, but in this case it didn't. She talked with me a while and helped me think about it and talk it all out just to get it out of my system, but I knew it wasn't a good situation for her. 

She walked away for a bit and when she came back through I apologized. It wasn't that I was out of line, but more that I didn't see that it helped either of us to be so mean about the situation. I felt that my conduct was unhealthy and unproductive when we're usually pretty good about lifting each other up.

After apologizing I realized, my negativity about an uncontrollable situation had inadvertently hurt someone else and done nothing to ameliorate my problem. That understanding was the first time that I was actually seeing where I had strayed from the meditative, calming path I have been fostering in my life. I made a choice to behave as I did and it was not the best option available to me.

Life is really just about looking out for the lessons that come our way. Meditation, religion, reflection: none of them work if you don't work them even in your most trying of times. 

What is a situation that you faced that could have gone a better way based on your choices? 

Continue reading →

Memories vs. Living in the Past

I have a pretty terrible memory. I've tried lots of tips & tricks over the years to help build it up, but nothing really seems to work. Some incidents stick better than others; some things I can never forget despite wanting to and others that I want to cherish forever fade faster than acceptable.

As a result I have held onto stuff and things much longer than acceptable. They are visual cues that can spark a memory or emotion of some past event. The overwhelming majority are happy memories that I want to preserve. What's interesting though is that they are not necessarily for sharing.

In recent months I have developed an intense need to purge my apartment. This transitory feeling that I've had ever since I first moved out of my parental home has followed me long enough. So I've been going through my belongings via the KonMari method. 

Simply put, the KonMari method stresses:

1. Collect all like items of a particular category (clothes, papers, kitchen items)
2. Purge everything that doesn't "spark joy" or that you use regularly
3. Only after you've completely purged, organize the remaining items

This has revolutionized my process of cleaning and helped prevent impulse buying when I am out and about.

After doing several sections of my home, I'm down to miscellaneous items and items with emotional attachment; thus my introspection. I want to make sure that I don't lose the memories by ridding myself of the physical reminder. I've debated over writing down all the memories, but know that will take a lot of time. My current plan is to photograph the item before sorting it for donation or trash and then storing the photo. I will be able to reference it and write about it at my leisure if necessary.

What's most important to me is not just ridding my home of clutter, but preventing myself from living in the past. It's nice to visit there and remember good things, but dwelling on unchangeable circumstances is unhealthy and unwise. Here's hoping I can untether myself and walk freely.

Do you have a need to clear house; physically or emotionally? What are your best strategies for success in this area?

Continue reading →

Facing Negativity & Rising Above: 5 Key Strategies

The worst feeling in the world is helplessness. The inability to care for something important to you can be devastating. Protection and avoidance techniques can only go so far. Sometimes negative situations just have to be faced and dealt with. How you choose to deal with them will define who you are today and who you become tomorrow.

Today was a rough day for me. I stayed up later than I should last night finalizing my final project for my last class in my graduate degree program. The morning was a bit rough, but I managed. I had prepared myself well for my presentation and while nervous, was still ready to roll.

Until I wasn't. The presentation order was changed, pushing my time slot back from the first position that I was ready to be in. Then, during my presentation, it dawned on me when I was given the 5 minute warning that I had mis-prepared. Instead of having the 15-20 minutes I was prepared for, I only had 10 total. My brain switched into high gear, my mouth went dry, and panic clawed at me. 

I survived. I made it through the presentation as best I could, skipping lots of fantastic details I had worked so hard to lay out along the way. As I sat in my chair trying to recover I realized my eyes were watering. "There was no way that this should make me cry!" my brain called out. As the next presentation started up I focused on my breathing and tried to remember my mindfulness and meditation practices.

5 Key Strategies to Facing Negativity and Rise Above It

1. Breathe! It sound so simple, but people often hold their breath without even realizing it. This breathing pattern gif is saved on my iPhone so that I can pull it up easily.
2. Focus on a repetitive practice. I finding counting to be soothing because of the predictability and pacing. It allows my brain to zero-in on a task and ward off negative emotions to allow for processing.
3. Use a "touchstone". A meditative object that has a predetermined and dedicated purpose is key to reigning in my emotions. I made a simple prayer-bead-like item. I can count the beads, roll them, or rub the Ahimsa charm. Just touching this object gives me peace and satisfaction enough to begin calming down.
4. Look to the positive. I know "looking on the bright side" is not revolutionary, but it does important work. Even though I felt like I bombed my presentation, I thought about the fact that it was over and I could not change it. I had done my best and was good with that.
5. Enlist help. Sometimes I really can't bring myself back up. That's when friends and family are important. We all hit rough patches and how we care for ourselves and others is what we give back. Helping someone and sharing the load makes for faster recovery work.

These are not the easiest things to remember in stressful times. It has taken my several years to realize the worth and value of some of these practices. Most of the time I did not even realize I was already doing some of them until someone else pointed it out to me.

What would you add to this list?

Continue reading →

Feature: Inspirational Song of the Week

I truly believe that music has the power to change things. It can change your mood, change your opinion, and change your life if you hear the right thing at the right time. From listening in your car to hearing something performed live, music can speak across time, space, and language. Much like math, it's a universal thing that flows through everyone.

What I find particularly striking though is musical frisson. Here's where my nerdy comes out. I majored in French and International Studies (History focus) in undergrad a few moons back. I loved learning new words & ways to say things. 

The greatest challenge is translating from one language to another. Sometimes though, the definition of the word or idea can be experienced in the saying. One of my favorite experiences of this was with the word "frisson," which translates to "shiver." It just sounded like that is what it meant. 

Back to the subject at hand. Musical frisson is the chills or goosebumps you experience when you hear certain songs, chords, or melodies. The two biggest musical frisson triggers for me are: Hedwig's theme from Harry Potter and Rue's whistle from The Hunger Games.

In honor of musical frisson, and to provide some of my personal favorites, I will be featuring a song each week that has inspired me or helped me in some way. Some will be upbeat, some will be dulcet, and still others will be a bit melancholy. 

We experience a range of emotions and have thousands of thoughts every day. By allowing music to help us deal with these experiences, we can move through them and on to what we really want to do.

What songs or sounds give you inspiration?

Continue reading →